Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
