remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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