I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
