John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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