My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize