her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He kissed a someone with a penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
