I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
