is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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