can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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