Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
