did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
