That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
