quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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