im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were destined to go to rehab together
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
