I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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