i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
