just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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