Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
