I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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