She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
