I got chris browned last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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