No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
