I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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