Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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