ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
