the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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