best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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