out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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