I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
