We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So much rum. So many feels.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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