"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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