i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
