I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
