I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
