Dude my mom stole all your condoms
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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