I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
