get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
