my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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