I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
