God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
