Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
