too bad you live with your parents still
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
