; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
