I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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