the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize