I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
please come you make the beer taste better
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
