dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
