good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
