So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
