You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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