i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
