i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
