I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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