just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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