Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
