i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
