I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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