She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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