Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
