Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
