the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
