I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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