Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
